Single Mom Writing: The Honest Dating Profile

girl-writing-in-her-moleskine-diary-picjumbo-comFor years now I’ve had a desire to hold space for single moms. There’s so much about the experience of raising children on my own and navigating single life I wasn’t prepared for. I was and am thrilled to be a free woman but it’s damn isolating. I know I’m not alone. In that spirit, I give you the first in what I hope will be a long and regular series of writing prompts – Single Mom Writing.

Today’s Writing Prompt
Writing online dating profiles is a unique kind of torture. Today write the profile you wish you could publish. Don’t hold back and ask for what you want because you deserve it, got it?


Dear Potential Suitor,

Who did you vote for?

Sincerely,
A lover of all the people

#kiddingnotkidding

Dear Guy Online,

The Relationship I’m Looking For
I’m a single mom with two daughters. Let’s just cut to the chase. My time is precious AF. If I’m going to take time away from my kids or cut down my time for self-care, you better be a movie loving bookworm who likes to wax poetic about life. Homebody tendencies with a quarterly desire to get out and mingle are a bonus.

I’m fiercely independent but crave the intimacy of a heart to heart, mind to mind connection. Do I want marriage and love? Marriage maybe, love most definitely. Someday. Today I just want a partner in crime who wants to lock lips and spoon. But don’t mistake that for a any kind of fling. Quite the opposite. Some folks might be all “no strings attached”, I’ve been there, done that. I’m no longer built that way. I’m fiercely loyal and demand the same.

While the goal is friendship caught fire, right this moment I’m happy with friendship snuggled warm under a blanket.

What You Need To Know About Me
I’m a city girl with a hippie heart.
Jersey girl gone New England.
I’m on that 9-5 grind but have dreams working their way into the world.
My daughters are my breath.
Let’s skip the small talk. I want to know what you long for and who you want to be in the world. I always want to skip the small talk.
Read here if you want to know more about me.

I love every one but like and trust the ones who earn it.

Things That Are True About You
You’re guided by deep-seated values, a steady moral compass.
Your family and friends are paramount.
You chase your curiosity.
There’s still wonder left in  you.
You have a ferocious drive.
You hold a profound reverence for women.

I haven’t listed nitty gritty details because opposites attract, ya know? And sometimes, the idea of Mr. Perfect is better than Mr. Perfect in the flesh. Like when the world traveling money pants philanthropist Mr. Perfect turns out to be a Lifetime story about a man with multiple wives and multiple lives and maybe a body in his backyard. Did I mention my imagination?

Plus, material things don’t matter to me. It’s what’s at the core of a person that I’m seeking.

You work out? Great. I’m a champion for self-care. You have loads of money? Good for you. Abundance is everyone’s for the taking. Get yours. Fancy car? Spectacular. You can drive. I’ve driven everywhere for the last 3 years.

I won’t measure the next important man in my life by what he has but by who he is and how he approaches the world. 

Sincerely,
Carla

ps. I could very well tell you that if you look like Idris Elba, Michael Fassbender, Mark Ruffalo, or are pretty much Danny Castellano, nothing else matters. Swipe right!!!! What’s at the core of your being DOES NOT MATTER. But I’m super mature and am totally not that shallow. Thought you should know.

pps. I’ve lurked on online dating sites enough to know it ain’t 2002 anymore. Dating is complicated. Let me uncomplicate things – straight up, if you’re one of these open relationship folks? Good for you but keep on walking.


I was going to kick off Single Mom Writing with something a bit more introspective and heartfelt. But life seems heavy these days post election. So I’m leading with this. I’m working on setting up a link feature so you can add your own post. If you don’t have your own blog but want to join in on the fun, leave your writing in the comments.

Adjusting

I kicked off November enthusiastic to write every day. Then the election came and I couldn’t muster any words.

I’ve consumed what can only be described as an unhealthy amount of news and opinion pieces since November 9th. It’s fascinating – to go on about my days as if nothing has happened while holding onto the frightening reality that America is headed into dark times. It’s a train wreck . I want to look away but I feel an obligation to every one involved to witness every excruciating detail. It is not a healthy state to live in. I’m still trying to figure out what day to day life will look like in the next four years.

I have no idea how to juggle the dreadful reality at large with the peaceful sanity of my daily life. Is raising strong women enough of a revolution? I’m not sure anymore. Can I be a peacemaker in a constant state of protest? I’ll have to learn. 

Thanksgiving drew a firm line for me. It snapped me out of my information spiral. I focused on my girls, family, and friends. I acknowledged how desperately I need to keep writing (sorry, NaBloPoMo, there’s always next year). I took comfort in knowing I have a wide circle of friends who are as worried as I am. I took a deep breath for the first time since the election.

After a reality shattering November, I’m stepping into December focused on keeping out the noise. The two weeks following the election left me spent but I will not start the long journey ahead in weariness. I’m taking inventory of what I consume and what I put out into the world. I’m spending my money with intention. I’m reaching out to our public servants. I’m getting creative AF about ways I can play a role in ensuring everyone is afforded the equal freedom. 

Here’s to December and the year ahead, may she be full of writing and stillness and the good fight.

Election Eve

mountains

Tomorrow I will bring my daughters with me to vote for the first female president of the United States. Then we’ll make our way around town trying to avoid anything election related. Because who needs that stress all day long? I’ll reserve the nail biting and pacing for after bedtime.

Tonight is ours. We’re going to talk politics. I’m going to show them the ballot. We’re going to look at all the candidates at the state and local level. We’ll look at the issues and what they mean. We’ll talk about the Supreme Court and why who wins matters.  I’m going to tell my girls that a woman like me wasn’t always allowed to vote up until very recently, 1965 to be precise. I want them to walk into our polling place with fierce gratitude and entitled to have a voice, knowing why so many people feel so passionately about this election.

They will probably school me a bit on the election as well. Both have been up to their eyeballs in learning about our government. Hillary already won by a landslide in their classrooms today. They are optimistic. I can see in their faces how this election is very much a girl power moment. They were with her before I was with her.

We don’t own any pantsuits, so we may or may not be making our own Hillary shirts while watching Gilmore Girls. They’re encouraging me to make them “nasty” tees. I’m on the fence.

Tomorrow is another story. Tomorrow will be one for the history books. I’m not sure how we’ll fill our hours but I know years from know we’ll remember everything we did.

How will you spend your night this election eve? How will you pass the hours tomorrow?

Gracias

Today I am grateful for the young girl at the register at CVS who looked at my purchase and let me know which lice treatment worked for her a few years ago.

Today I am grateful to the mom in line behind me who chimed in and let me know her daughter had lice the year before.

Today I’m grateful for the coach who, in response to my email about not making it to the game, let me know his family dealt with lice last year.

Today I’m grateful for my dear friend who told me both her boys had it this summer.

As you can tell, today brought a creepy, crawly surprise. I was freaked the fuck out. Expletives are necessary when dealing with lice, ok? Immediately I felt shame because I had internalized this narrative that lice plagues kids with poor hygiene. I came across so many wonderful people who made me feel lass alone and let me focus on getting the job done (combing and combing and combing, stripping beds, collecting laundry and stuffee animals, visiting the local laundromat).

So thank you, to every last person who spoke up today and made me feel a little less alone.

How To Raise A Bookworm

book

Read
Alone
Together
To yourself
Outloud

Read
Books
Magazines
Quotes
Notes
Signs

Read
In bed
On the beach
On the toilet
At the library
On a plane
On the couch
On the go

Read
By sunlight
Flashlight
Nightlight
Moonlight

Read
Read
Read

The end

Here are some books we’ve loved lately. 

fireboatThe gentlest story about September 11th.

a_wrinkle_in_time_digest_2007It swept us away. abuelaA sweet story about language, culture, and family.

sistersBoth my girls could not put this down and ran to get the authors other books.

thiefKid sister has been in a trance with this one.

true-storiesThey cuddled up together to read this one and couldn’t put it down.

sewing An honest and inspiring story about slavery and the evolution of an artist.

dogRequired reading for my oldest. She still talks about it.

secret-schoolAfter Something Upstairs proved too creepy, this one was a hit.

The Harry Potter series, Isle of the Lost series, and a few Rick Riordan books have made the rounds as well lately. I could write a dozen posts or more on the books we read. I remember the days of stacking picture books onto my lap before bed. Now it’s hard to keep up with all they read. Luckily, they still let me read to them. What books have your kids loved recently?