I can barely believe that we’ll begin a new year in a day and a half. I still remember finding out I was pregnant and being so excited to celebrate the holidays with a person in my belly. I couldn’t wait for this holiday season so I could celebrate the season with our baby. Now I fear I’ve wished time away too soon. Baby D is 6 months. It feels like it’s all gone by so fast and yet it seems like an eternity…does that make sense? She’s changed so much in this half year of her life. I hope that I enjoy it enough and soak it up as much as I can so that in my old age I can look back and know that not a moment was wasted.
I wonder sometimes if I will remember her sweet giggle and the joy in her eyes when she opened presents on her first Christmas morning. Will I remember this when we celebrate the holidays when she’s 15? When she’s 25? I love those moments so much and I can’t fathom how time just keeps going on and on. I know that it must, and mainly so that the wonder and happiness of it all can continue to grow but it sucks sometimes. Like this evening when my husband was playing with her. She giggled with glee, no really, I’m not being sappy, really tangible filled the air with bubbles of cotton candy goodness type glee. We weren’t doing anything special. Just chillin’…and it was the best…better than Christmas…better than this morning when I woke up next to her.
I can’t possibly catalog and remember all these amazing moments. I just want to never lose this feeling. This magic…this energy…this crazy, drunk presentness. I’m giddy.
I wonder sometimes if I can hold onto this feeling when she’s 13 and we’re arguing about her cell phone bill or her grades…will I be able to grasp in that moment the feeling of her infancy? I’m crying now because I’m so happy. I just want to soak her up…kiss her…hug her…watch her…never leave her side. I wonder in moments like these how I’ll get through life without crying every other second. I’m a crier like that…joy spills out in the form of tears. It’s too overwhelming to contain. How in the heck am I going to compose myself to live life this happy and fulfilled? How can I ever think I need or want more?