Confessions of a Bad Enterpreneur

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Awhile back I posted, with genuine excitement, that I’d finally started a business plan for my BIG IDEA. It’s true, I did start a business plan. Sadly, though, I haven’t touched it in months. It’s not to say that the planning has ceased in my head. On a regular basis I come up with genius ways to be profitable but I can’t seem to sit myself down to get this all down on paper (or at least on a computer screen). And my passion to make it happen hasn’t fizzled, on the contrary, I’m still as hungry and obsessed to be a WAHM than ever before. I read inspiring stories of mompreneurs and other self-starters. I read the WAHM/small business marketing blogs like I’ve actually got a business that’s ready to be marketed. I pick apart the competition and figure out what I think they’re doing wrong and figure out how I can do it better. I bookmark 3-5 sites a day that I’d like to see retailed out of my store (I think that was the cat out of the hat moment…my BIG IDEA is an e-commerce site…you like how secretive I am about this master idea…just naming it the BIG IDEA -no connection to Donnie Deustch though I’d love to be on his show-mini-crush, heart his enthusiasm …so yeah my BIG IDEA the one that I can’t even sit my ass down to write about…but am protective enough about to only share minimal details like I think it’s so great everyone will steal it). What’s wrong with me?

I’m a scaried cat. Plain and simple. Major stop me in my tracks can’t function or type a business plan type fear. Fear that my idea will suck. Fear that I will be wildly successful to the point that I will no longer recognize myself. Fear that success will turn my little, cuddly idea into the monster that steals my life. Fear that we will go broke. Fear that I will spend money, time and effort to have no one visit my little place on the web. I know, too, that all of these fears can be easily addressed with careful planning.

Thanks to a great post yesterday over at Itty Biz, I realize how much starting this business is like deciding to have a baby. When we were TTC, we didn’t really talk that much about it. We both knew we wanted a family and we wanted it now rather than later. Family means a lot to us and we knew that waiting for the right time (translation: money, bigger home, better jobs, etc.) would never come without other complications or conditions (we have more money but let’s get a house and then have babies or I just got a raise, let’s pay off some debt and then have babies). Everyone else was telling us to take our time. Enjoy our time together. Plan, plan, plan. Wait, wait, wait. None of these people are self-employed. I imagine that they each harbor some dream of running their own business but never got around to it waiting for the right time…the right time for them is still to come (with that said, most are very happy in the corporate America jobs).

Waiting seemed pointless because what we wanted seemed so much more important and we were crazy passionate about starting our family. Same goes for my BIG IDEA. I’m crazy passionate about my BIG IDEA. It makes no sense to me why waiting would be beneficial (I do think waiting while doing nothing towards my dream is a drastically different thing than waiting while at the same time planning and working towards it). With babies, I worried that if I waited too long I’d miss my window of opportunity. After reading the post today on Itty Biz, I realize that the same goes for my BIG IDEA.

So I’m kicking fear in the nuts and getting on with it. I grew a baby inside for 9 whole months and didn’t do her a bit of harm. I went through an unplanned C-section and came out with flying colors. I’m (we’re) raising this 6 month old baby girl and so far so good. I can most certainly write a business plan. I will definitely start this business. I will look fear in the eye and tell it to suck it!

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