I’m in denial sometimes that Dessa is no longer a little baby. I still call her the baby and want to cradle her in my arms. I forget she can do more than I know. Then today I was getting ready to leave the house and she was just patiently waiting, watching me. I looked over and she was so damn tall! Just like this little lady person, it blows me away.
It makes me sad but excited. The sadness only lasts about a millisecond then I’m excited at the world we’ll get to explore together. I get excited about how much I have yet to learn about her. I get excited about all the ways she’ll grow that will amaze me. She’s already grown so much and amazed me with her development. I mean every parent knows their kid grows up and learns to walk and talk and communicate but until you experience it, you don’t really know.
She’s at this great point right now where we totally get one another. If she wants something she’ll point or take me to it. She wants more, she’ll ask for it. Water, demands it. She doesn’t like something, there’s no guessing; she let’s me know. If I need something in the other room, I can ask her to get it for me and she’ll know exactly what I’m asking for. I also love the person she is with others. She is cautious but social and happy and gentle. She listens to conversations and loves to give her two cents. She loves to laugh, a good gut belly laugh. She loves to dance and demands music to be on all the time. She tends to our cat (more than J or I sometimes) and is concerned all the time with her needs (if it were up to her she’d feed the cat ever hour).
I get excited, too, about the fact that we’ll have another little infant in the house. I have my concerns about how they’ll get along but they’re distant and not something I worry about. I’m just glad to know there will be another itty bitty newborn to hold. I can’t even wrap my mind around how much my heart will ache when I see my two little girls together. Shit, it’s aching a little bit right now.
Dessa is 18 months already. I don’t know where the time went but I know it was well spent. I’ll take a lesson from these 18 months, savor it all. Everyone says time flies and sure you get it when you have a baby but still it is incredible how true those words are. Today’s a sappy day for me, a day where I’m willing to look and really see who my daughter is and who she’s becoming. Sigh, deep, deep sigh and achey heart, a warm, happy achey hearty today.