Soul Searching

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Soul searching beach days
Soul searching beach days

Hello lovely blog oh mine.  I’ve missed you.  You’ve been wondering where I’ve been, I’m sure.  I’m still blogging lots just not here.  My mind has been buzzing with so much lately.  I’ve needed this space many times in the last couple of months but getting here has been harder to do than I thought.  I’m back.

What’s kept me away?  So much.

1.  At the heart of my absence is my decision not return to my corporate job at the end of  my maternity leave.  Originally, my plans had been to take the summer off and return to work now in September.  But with the birth of a child comes intense perspective into the rest of your life.  My heart is not in corporate America; it never has been and never will be.  I want to spend my time doing something I love, something I can be proud of, something meaningful to me.  I want to live life on purpose, making conscious choices; all so I can teach my daughters by example what is possible in their lives.

My hubby and I have been talking about it all summer.  We’ve talked and talked and talked and at the end of the day we both agree I need to be happy.  God bless him for understanding how important it is to be happy and thank goodness for his support.  Until I figure out exactly what it is I want to be doing, I’ll be working part-time at my favorite maternity shop teaching little ones.  I believe everything happens for a reason & what question you put out to the universe will be answered in due time.  While I was contemplating leaving corporate America, the opportunity presented itself to take on this part time gig so I jumped at it.

This is a new journey for me and I’m excited and nervous and curious.  You’ll be hearing a lot about my journey.

2.  I’ve written before about my grandpa and how much I love him.  It has been interesting growing my own family with him so many miles away.  This summer my godmother, who lived 20 minutes away from him, moved 2 hours away to settle into retirement.  In my heart I’ve always known I could never bear the idea of him being alone so my husband and I have asked him to move closer to us.  We’re in a one level condo so he can’t move in with us but we’re on the hunt for appropriate housing for him.  He doesn’t need assistance which is great but there are a lot of factors we have to consider.  While this has weighed the least on me this summer in terms of decision making, it has weighed heaviest on me in terms of logistics.  There are so many things to consider and plan for that I feel overwhelmed by it a lot.  But I keep in mind how wonderful it will be to see my grandfather spend time with my daughters on a regular basis and I get all warm and fuzzy and teary eyed and know this is the right decision.

3.  My girls have been growing and blossoming and just  being and I’ve been in absolute awe.  Motherhood has just taken me by storm this summer.  First, Farrah arrived and rocked our world.  She had terrible gas issues and the first month and half, almost two months, were spent figuring out how to help her get the gas out.  It wasn’t until shortly before she turned 3 months that we could truly enjoy her and get to know her personality.  And then there’s Dessa, oh my Dessa.  She’s such a little lady and so opinionated and full of life.  I spend most days enjoying her so much I can’t do much else.  I can barely distract myself to do other things that need to get done because I don’t want to miss anything.  I don’t want to miss a new look or a new word or sentence or a new dance move or sweet, kind gesture.  And then there’s being with the two girls together which is too much sometimes – interacting, communicating in their own little way.  Farrah mesmerized in the most intense way with her sister; she watches her with so much intensity and joy it’s the sweetest.  Dessa know so much without ever having to be told – she knows this little baby can’t yet play like she can so she’s gentle and restrains her excitement and eagerness to hold her hands and spin round and round.  Ay, these girls will be the end of me.  I love them.  Yes, I’ve been busy loving my girls so I’ve neglected this little piece of my life.

Those are the things consuming me and keeping me away.  One and two were much more consuming before but now they’re more than just in me but out in the world and happening so it’s a sigh of relief.  Life is no longer on hold.  I’ve got plans for you, little blog, and lots of life to write about.  Thanks for waiting so patiently.  Goodnight…

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One comment

  1. I think that you are very blessed to be able to take this time off to spend with the family and agree totally when you say that you need to be happy. It will also give you time to watch your children grow, an amazing journey in and of itself! I wish you the best and hope you will continue to add to the blog while doing your thing!

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