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Three years ago, at this moment, my hubby and I were in a hospital room all googly eyed over our first born.  It seems like yesterday but also a lifetime ago.  I remember how tiny you were and how peaceful you slept.  How teeny you were in my arms and how I had to control myself when visitors wanted to hold you (oh there were so many visitors, your arrival was a celebration…the first baby in a long, long while).  I remember staring at you and kissing you and swaddling you.  I was so proud of that swaddle.  My heart is sad today because the past three years are a clear kind of blurry and I imagine life will continue on that way – moving quickly and slow at the same time…fleeting…memories will fade and brighten…photos…gosh photos will help…but what I mean is time won’t stop.  I’ll never get back two seconds ago when you flipped over in your sleep and the corner of your mouth turned up in a smile.  I’ll never get back that moment you walked for the first time or the first time you called for our cat (your first precious word).  I won’t get back that moment I peed on a stick and you became real or the first time you had a fit and I was faced with your fierce spirit.  Really, though, I don’t want those moments back…they’re still ours…always will be but I want to live them over just as a fly on the wall…in slow motion, over and over.

Little girl, little lady – I love you.  You are my breath and my life.  With each passing day you astound me.  You are Nancy Drew curious and ask me the sweetest questions.  Today we found a fallen nest and you asked, with concern in your eyes, where the birds had gone.  You wanted to know if they’d build another home.  Yesterday while celebrating your birthday with friends, you stopped mid-play to thank our friend Alicia for joining you to celebrate your birthday.  You love to put your hands on your hips and tilt your half-straight, half-curly head to one side.  You hold you sister’s hand when it’s dangerous for her to walk alone, even when she cries she wants to do it herself.

Yes, I want to stop time but I’m having so much fun watching you blossom more and more into yourself.  I love you more each day.  Thank you for the past three years and thank you for tomorrow, all of it…you will light it bright, fill it with laughter and lots of sass.  Happy Birthday, Mama!

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