I wrote this a little over two years ago, just weeks before welcoming our second daughter. Today I’m feeling a little nostalgic for those days of having my oldest to myself. I’m posting this for the mamas who know what it feels like and the ones in waiting who can’t quite put to words what they feel. It’s a funny feeling. Missing what was, cherishing what is, deliriously excited for what’s to come. It’s like being completely present in everything that’s brought us to this point and how everything right at this moment is propelling us forward. Spinning in place, I think. Or standing still with everything buzzing around. Enough of putting the feelings under the microscope. Grateful and blessed and off to enjoy my baby girls on this sunny, sunny day.
In less than two weeks, you will be a big sister. You’ll have a little baby, a real live baby not just a teddy bear you call baby, to cuddle and hold. I’m excited but incredibly sad at the same time. I realize our time together, our silly, goofy uninterrupted moments are numbered. This new little sister of yours is going to gobble up time and attention like it’s her job. I’m trying desperately to enjoy every single second of these last few days, showering you with oodles of love and affection you’ll hopefully pocket away for those moments when you can’t understand why the new baby has mami and papi so consumed.
It has been overwhelming watching you grow up in the last 22 months. You’re independent, goofy, lovable, vibrant, opinionated, sweet and funny, so incredibly funny. I love you. Your father loves you. This baby will fall madly, deeply in love with you. Even though I’m sad to say farewell to the spoiled days of raising an only child, I’m thrilled beyond words to witness your relationship with your sister blossom. I cant’ wait to see what you teach her, how you love her, how you argue, how you face the world together.
I just wanted to tell you how much this new baby scares me because of what it means to our relationship. I know I will love her just as much, even though right now that seems impossible. You fill every part of me. In the months ahead, things might get a bit off since your papi and I will be figuring out how to be parents of two little ones, learning how to love you both. But know that you are everything. You charged into our lives and brought us joy. You’ll always be our first born, our introduction to parenthood, our baby.
Be patient with us, Dessa, we’ll figure things out together. Keep us laughing with your dancing and sweet chuckle. Throw a tantrum here and there if it feels good, sometimes your mami still does. Keep being you. We love you, mama.
-Mami and Papi