How The Mommy Wars Was Won

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Welcome to the beginning of the end.

How The Mommy Wars Was Won: Ending The War That Never Was

or, better yet,

Honest Stories About The Decisions Mothers Make

The media likes to use the term “mommy wars” to pit mothers against each other. This supposed battle has moms trying to one up each other for who’s doing the best job. The curious thing is I’ve never met moms in real life who are throwing down for any kind of title. We may compete with ourselves but never have I seen a mom down in the mud wrangling another mom crying out, “The title will be mine!”.

Do you know why I’ve never experienced this in real life? Because the mommy wars do not exist. Because, once you become a mother, you gain a holy respect for mothers everywhere. You know you’ve got it equal parts tough and easy given the moment just like every other mother.

The media likes to tell us how we should talk about the decisions moms are making instead of listening to what they’re saying and observing, respectfully, what moms are doing. The real threat to motherhood isn’t other mothers. It’s the media who distorts this sisterhood into a nasty cat fight. I want women to be able to make their own choices within the context that all options and decisions are valuable and worth consideration.

So how do we create a positive conversation about motherhood? Easy. We start talking.

Enter: How The Mommy Wars Was Won, a weekly series by a fellow mom sharing with readers her experience navigating a specific aspect of motherhood.

I’m inviting you to contribute your story. I believe there’s something to be said for sharing our experiences as mothers, whether it’s how we deal with tantrums to how we get our kids to eat anything green to breastfeeding.

In sharing our stories, we find people like and unlike ourselves. We find camaraderie as well as new perspectives. We learn and grow.

The Goal: Create a positive conversation about the decisions moms make about parenting and raising their children. I want to be able to show the diversity of choices women are making and also inspire other moms to think outside the box when making their own decisions.

Contributor Guidelines

If you’re interested in contributing, then send a completed post in the body of an email to carla129@gmail.com with “mommy wars” in the subject line. First, select your topic from the topics below:

  • Working: Work outside the home, stay at home, work from home – what did you do after baby?
  • Feeding: Breast, bottle or a combo – what worked for you?
  • Sleeping: Crib, bassinet, family bed, swing, car seat – how does baby sleep?
  • Giving Birth: Vaginal, c-section, water, epidural, induced – what was your baby’s grand entrance like?
  • Discipline:  Time out, behavior charts, positive parentinghow do you approach your child’s blossoming spirit?

Why these topics? Because these are the topics most widely discussed in popular media when talking about motherhood and the “mommy wars”. They are the topics suggested to most deeply divide mothers but I think these are some of the issues defining our journey as moms and also uniting us.

What should be included? 

  1. Each post should be a story about how you made your decision to parent in a specific way in regards to the subject you’ve chosen above. What’s most valuable and usually missing from the mass media discussions is the factors tipping the scales, the logical ones and the heartfelt ones. Consider sharing how the following factors contributed to your decision: your partner’s opinion, your own upbringing, your financial situation, your instincts. These are mentioned as guidance. You’re welcome to tell your story in the most honest way you know how.
  2. At the end of your post, list 3 lessons you’ve learned from your experience. You can do more, you can do less. The idea is to leave readers with something they might be able to put into action.
  3. Finally, include a short bio telling a little bit about yourself. If you have your own blog or business, feel free to include a link. A mug shot would be lovely as well.

I’m putting a call out for contributors and also reaching out to moms I admire to learn their stories. While I work on pulling it all together, tell me in the comments below of any mothers you admire whose story you’d be interested in knowing. I’ll try my darnedest to hunt them down and get their stories here for you.

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17 Responses to How The Mommy Wars Was Won
  1. Lisa Quinones-Fontanez
    April 23, 2012 | 9:41 am

    Great idea! Looking forward to contributing :)
    Lisa Quinones-Fontanez´s last blog post ..Words With: Christina Mendez ~ Model, Mom, Advocate

  2. Elizabeth Atalay
    April 23, 2012 | 10:00 am

    This is always such a great topic because as women our identities shift continually throughout our lives, maybe most significantly when we have our first child. I have come to believe we can have it all in our lives, just maybe not all at the same time, enjoy each stage as it comes!
    Elizabeth Atalay´s last blog post ..The Power of ONE; Bringing Vaccines to Ghana

  3. Bren @ B So Chic!™
    April 23, 2012 | 12:56 pm

    i learn so much from you mothers! and, i’m so ready to be one so best believe I’m taking copious notes!!
    Bren @ B So Chic!™´s last blog post ..Living an Eco Chic & Beautiful Life With EcoTools

  4. Pattie
    April 23, 2012 | 12:59 pm

    Great idea! I’ve been on both sides of the fence. Looking forward to contributing.
    Pattie´s last blog post ..“Tips to Spice Up Your Parties” Farm Rich style #FarmRichSnacks

  5. Cristina-Una colombiana en California
    April 23, 2012 | 2:18 pm

    Great idea! I can’t wait to read the stories.
    Cristina-Una colombiana en California´s last blog post ..Luis Enrique, el Príncipe de la Salsa

  6. perudelights
    April 23, 2012 | 6:20 pm

    Great topic, I´m sure there will be a lot of ideas flowing. I used to work when my children were very young, but in South America you have all the help in the world at home, so I guess it´s different. I would love to read all the contributions.
    perudelights´s last blog post ..Cooking with kids: How to make a chicken sandwich + a fun GIVEAWAY!

  7. Sujeiry
    April 23, 2012 | 11:29 pm

    If I had kids, I’d contribute but since I don’t I will just read! Great and inspiring idea.
    Sujeiry´s last blog post ..Still Living with Mom (MAMIVERSE)

  8. Monica
    April 23, 2012 | 11:51 pm

    Right up my alley. Already had a post half written in my head on this particular subject. Will try to send it your way soon!

    (Don’t hesitate to bug me and remind me. :)

    xo!
    Monica´s last blog post ..United States Activity Atlas {Giveaway}

    • Carla
      April 24, 2012 | 10:57 pm

      Ok, just remember you gave me permission =)

  9. Michele C.
    April 24, 2012 | 1:41 pm

    ooooh I will totally do this. Hopefully I can write it up in the next few days and I will e-mail it to you. Suffering from my own mommy wars and struggles with a sick kid home this week. So need this. email me if you need it sooner but I can have it for you by the weekend for sure.
    Michele C.´s last blog post ..Photo a Day April 2012 ~ Day 20

    • Carla
      April 24, 2012 | 10:57 pm

      That would be fantastic! GL with your own Mommy Wars.

  10. Veronica of Muy Bueno
    April 25, 2012 | 11:20 am

    I have always worked, out of necessity, even when my 12 and 8 year old were little, but I was always exhausted at the end of the day. Now as they are older I get to stay home every other week and life is less stressful. I wish I would have had the same luxury when they were little and had the chance to be home with them.
    Veronica of Muy Bueno´s last blog post ..Slow Cooked Roasted Chipotle Chicken by Chef Aarón Sánchez + Giveaway

  11. [...] How The Mommy Wars Was Won is a weekly series where moms tell the story of how they made and are living with their decision to stay home, work outside the home or create their own unique juggling act. It ‘s an attempt at putting a stop to all the “mommy wars” media hoopla. As moms, we’re all in this together and we’ll be damned if we let the media pit us against each other. If you’re interested in ending the war that never was, read the original post here. [...]

  12. Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)
    May 11, 2012 | 1:08 am

    Great idea… I completely agree. In real life there are no “Mommy Wars”. Even online, I find most women want to support each other and share their stories to help each other.

    Good for you for starting this initiative.

  13. Vanessa, DeSuMama
    May 11, 2012 | 6:04 pm

    I am still getting used to having two babies, but hope to email you a contribution one of these days. Wonderful idea!

  14. Time Magazine Round-Up | She Posts
    May 12, 2012 | 6:25 pm

    [...] All of Me Now–How the Mommy Wars Was Won. [...]

  15. Ashley - Embracing Beauty
    May 14, 2012 | 11:41 am

    What a great idea. Thank you for sharing and I’ll be sure to follow the conversation. I wrote what I hope was a “gentle” response to the latest “Mommy Wars” controversy here: http://embracingbeauty.com/2012/05/13/are-you-mom-enough-mommy-wars-controversy/
    Ashley – Embracing Beauty´s last blog post ..Are YOU “Mom Enough?” – Mommy Wars Controversy

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