Single Mom Life

Suddenly Single

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In 2006, at the ripe old age of 25, I was amongst the first of my friends to walk down the aisle. Today, seven years later, I’m amongst the first to get divorced. It’s all kind of new. Like less than a month new.

It’s a case of two people, good people with good intentions, grown apart who couldn’t find their way back to each other. As amicable a split as there can be when hearts, dreams, and promises are broken.

Nothing I type even begins to do justice to the heartbreak of it all. But it’s words that bring me solace, so here I am.

What I know is that I have an incredible circle of friends. Listeners who are willing to envelope me in their care. They’ve lent their patient ear and stolen time from their lives to devote to me – on their lunch break, after bedtime, driving home, at all hours. I am ever grateful.

What I know is that well meaning friends and family, even strangers, have questions, lots of them. I know everything and nothing. That’s how we got here after all, isn’t it? And there is no right or wrong story. Just perspectives of the same truth. If I had better answers to the questions, I’d imagine this post unnecessary.

What I know is that what began as a promise between two people has morphed into the heartache of many. The purity of that promise is not diminished by it’s demise. I am hopeful it’s with the same values we took our vows that we venture forward into the future.

What I know is the hurt creeps up on you. It all creeps up on you. It sucks but it’s deeply necessary. I welcome it. It’s the bridge to the next door.

What I know is that my two little women are resilient and brave. The wails once reserved for nonsensical tantrums are now very much rooted in loss/disappointment/heartbreak/confusion/fear/uncertainty…need and wanting. It’s this that pains me most. I’m grateful for all the work through the years put into making them little women with words for their emotions, tuned into matters of the heart. I take lessons from them in being where I am, feeling what I’m feeling as it comes. They know no other way and for this example, I couldn’t be more thankful.

What I know is that it takes a village to raise us all, to get us through. A wise lesson for a woman hard bent on asking for help, for reaching out.

What I know is that while Penny Lane had music, I have books. As evidenced by the photo at the top of the post. I’ve wiped our library clean of all books on divorce. They are useless and eye opening at the same time. They are reminders that this is an ongoing process, one that  must unfold as it will.

What I know is that this is my new normal. I’m a single mom. I’m a mother on watch for the signals of needy hearts. I’m a woman who knows a whole lot and nothing at all.

This is my current chapter. I have to get all the way through it to get to the next one.

I’ve never found it so hard to write about something. It’s necessary for me to put words to life. And still this post seems all wrong and perfect. This is one area of life I’ve rarely written about but here I am and it feels right. I welcome your stories, your experiences, your wisdom. I’m learning, more than ever, that it takes a village for so much in life.

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  1. Thinking of you, sending you so many hugs and warm thoughts. I may not be local, but know that if I can help you in any way, I will. It’s never an easy situation, and far too many of my nearest and dearest friends are going through similar situations right now. You’re an amazing mama, and you and your girls will find your way through this. xoxo
    Michele C.´s last blog post ..Fun at the New York Renaissance Faire

  2. As always, you write with such depth and transparency. I am sad for your ending and excited for your beginning. I admire your ability to sit in the now, the painful, uncertain, sadness that is a part of growth. Most of us run from that as fast as lightning. I don’t like to be uncomfortable and even when I know it’s a necessary state, it’s hard. Your girls will bring you comfort and joy, but will also remind you of the pages you had written in your head of the future that you and your husband planned. I think that the fact that you can co-parent, on good terms, is the best gift you can give your girls and yourself. (Not everyone gets that chance.) Keep writing – always. And lastly, lots and lots of hugs.
    Kirsten´s last blog post ..One More F’n Post About Having It All

  3. Such wisdom here. Even though you must feel groundless, you sound very grounded. Sending you love and deep breaths. And faith in the journey.

  4. I’m so happy you have this place, for your words and soul to rest. And for community to surround you. Community has made all the difference in the world for me this year, of heavy heartache. I am so sorry to hear this news. BEST of everything, and know, we are here.

  5. Carla, you are strong, brave and resilient. That’s why your girls are, too. I know healing is hard, but we are all here for you. I love you and your ladies so much.
    This piece is beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing.

  6. I’m a single mom of two little ones who peacefully co-parents with their father.

    My youngest was not even two when her dad moved out. Now that a couple years have passed and their dad and I have evolved our relationship into a friendship of sorts, I realize they are far better off than they were before. They are happy, well-adjusted little beings who are more likely to be in therapy for me hula dancing in front of their friends than their parents’ divorce.

    Keep your head up. It’s a journey, strange at times, but still…a journey.

  7. It feels so brave of you to share this experience and bear your heart, but as you say closing this one chapter will help you move on to the next, and as a writer you need to write it out as a cathartic measure to reach the other side. I’m wishing you an easy as can be transition to that next page. It is yours to write.
    Elizabeth Atalay´s last blog post ..Rhode Island’s Disaster Preparedness Safety Report Card #GetReadyGetSafe With Save The Children

  8. Carla,

    You are such a great writer. You are also so strong. You will make it through this and I think you’re incredibly brave for sharing your emotions & insights this way. Good luck & know that you’ll always have a group of people rooting for you!

  9. I’m reminded reading this that I wish I made a practice of reading more of your writing. You expose your truths so beautifully and all that you write is so relatable. I’m thinking of you and I hope we can get our girls together soon. There were big tears after our last parting that Mazie didn’t get to say goodbye to her “new friends.”

  10. Carla, Your words are so raw right now yet full of this wisdom that reaches beyond your years. I’ve told you before that you’re an old soul. And I mean it. I adore you. You are in a very fragile place right now, and I hope you know how sorry I am for the pain you have to go through. But know that your outlook…is so refreshing. So genuine. So mature. You are you, and I respect you so much for the decision you made and the healing that’s to come. It’s as if, even by not knowing what’s to come, just knowing that you are speaking these truths and writing them out loud, you are on the road to somewhere better for you and your girls. You know it, I know it. We all know it. It just takes time to heal. Let the healing begin, my friend. Know I am here for you. Love, Jackie
    Jackie´s last blog post ..Is it boot time already?

  11. I feel for you, Carla, and having gone through a divorce myself, I can truly empathize. I, too, was among the first of my friends to get married (at 24) and also among the first to get divorced (at 28). Now, at 32, that difficult time seems like a distant memory. You will grow and heal from this experience. There are many exciting beginnings awaiting you!

  12. Thank you for your courage and honesty. I’ve been there. It was complicated but life changing in so many beautiful ways. Hugs for the days you need them.


  13. My Princess,

    I love you more than you can imagine….There is no words to describe how much I love you. I know that sometimes you feel you don’t deserve to be love, but let me remind you that you don’t have to earn my affection.

    I open my arms of love and died for you in the cross, my princess, so you could know how strong is my love for you, and how precious you are for me.
    Oh, my princess and love, I can see the pain of your heart; I know those who had hurt you. Bring me the left pieces of you, then the wounds that you had receive from other human being; and I will show that I can restore your soul.

    Do not look into no one, only me, my love. No one can understand you more than me; I am the one that loves your soul and the only one that can love you the way that you want to be love.

    I know you cannot see me, but my spirit is in you. You can hear me speak to you through my word. You can come into my presence anytime you want. I am at the distance of a prayer.

    You could feel my consolation when you call me; you will experience my joy, when you praise me. I will be with you anywhere you go.

    Now feel the hope, my love, because I will come back and them we will live happily forever, for eternity.

    With Love,
    Your Prince and Savior
    The one how has loving you until I gave my live for yours.

    I met Linda D’ Ambra at the library in my community yesterday, and she recommend me to visit your website and I was touch deeply hard by your life. I know God has a plan for you, believe in Him, He change my life, and helps me through all the bad times I’m going. Only with Him I had found peace. Look for this song online, you will here how powerful He is. ” My redeemer lives”.

    Love, Desiree Diaz

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