Suddenly Single

books on divorce

In 2006, at the ripe old age of 25, I was amongst the first of my friends to walk down the aisle. Today, seven years later, I’m amongst the first to get divorced. It’s all kind of new. Like less than a month new.

It’s a case of two people, good people with good intentions, grown apart who couldn’t find their way back to each other. As amicable a split as there can be when hearts, dreams, and promises are broken.

Nothing I type even begins to do justice to the heartbreak of it all. But it’s words that bring me solace, so here I am.

What I know is that I have an incredible circle of friends. Listeners who are willing to envelope me in their care. They’ve lent their patient ear and stolen time from their lives to devote to me – on their lunch break, after bedtime, driving home, at all hours. I am ever grateful.

What I know is that well meaning friends and family, even strangers, have questions, lots of them. I know everything and nothing. That’s how we got here after all, isn’t it? And there is no right or wrong story. Just perspectives of the same truth. If I had better answers to the questions, I’d imagine this post unnecessary.

What I know is that what began as a promise between two people has morphed into the heartache of many. The purity of that promise is not diminished by it’s demise. I am certain it’s with the same values we took our vows that we venture forward into our divorce, honoring ourselves, what we believe, what we desire for our children.

What I know is the hurt creeps up on you. It all creeps up on you. It sucks but it’s deeply necessary. I welcome it. It’s the bridge to the next door.

What I know is that my two little women are resilient and brave. The wails once reserved for nonsensical tantrums are now very much rooted in loss/disappointment/heartbreak/confusion/fear/uncertainty…need and wanting. It’s this that pains me most. I’m grateful for all the work through the years put into making them little women with words for their emotions, tuned into matters of the heart. I take lessons from them in being where I am, feeling what I’m feeling as it comes. They know no other way and for this example, I couldn’t be more thankful.

What I know is that it takes a village to raise us all, to get us through. A wise lesson for a woman hard bent on asking for help, for reaching out.

What I know is that while Penny Lane had music, I have books. As evidenced by the photo at the top of the post. I’ve wiped our library clean of all books on divorce. They are useless and eye opening at the same time. They are reminders that this is an ongoing process, one that  must unfold as it will.

What I know is that this is my new normal. I’m a single mom, co-parenting with a good man. I’m a mother on watch for the signals of needy hearts. I’m a woman who knows a whole lot and nothing at all.

This is my current chapter. I have to get all the way through it to get to the next one.

I’ve never found it so hard to write about something. It’s necessary for me to put words to life. And still this post seems all wrong and perfect. This is one area of life I’ve rarely written about but here I am and it feels right. I welcome your stories, your experiences, your wisdom. I’m learning, more than ever, that it takes a village for so much in life.

Witness

Quote from Susan Sarandon in Shall We Dance.

I believe our responsibility to those we hold dearest is to bear witness to their lives. For my children, I bore witness before they existed and will do so way beyond the scope of this fleshfull existence. For my bestest friends, I have and will continue to bear witness to their amazing journeys, highs and lows and everything in between. To the soulmates, kindred spirits, who come and go (but always remain), my eyes, my being are at the ready.

When I first heard this, in my cozy movie theater seat, I cried because it was talking specifically about marriage. Sure it’s true about many of the relationships in your life but especially important in marriage.

This quote is brilliant to me. It’s the perfect way to describe the massive commitment a person makes in marriage. No fluff about romance, no head spinning infatuation. Real, honest, deeply important. A perfect manifesto for a spouse’s every day responsibility. The perfect crushing for just going through the motions.

 

Monday Morsels 1

Welcome to your Monday Morsels…on Thursday Friday. This would have been a sweet post to jump start your week, however, a certain toddler thought it might be nice to attempt putting her tiny, yet heavy, little foot through my computer screen. Needless to say, I haven’t had much, ahem, screen time. Waiting until next Monday to share all these nuggets of lightbulb moments seemed a bit silly since I can’t stop collecting links. I’ll overwhelm you in small doses after this, promise, ok?

Now for some sweet morsels….

on life with children

on writing

  • You’re a writer in all you do. Wise shit.
  • From the same wise blogger, “…My craft is with words. I write because I can’t help it. It’s like talking but it doesn’t bother anybody….” It’s almost like she read my thoughts.
  • It’s all in how you say it. One word makes all the difference.

on living the life you want

on everything else

Tell me, what are you reading?